It isn't all sound.

Misophonia -hatred of sound. I feel like the anxiety from miso rubs off on the rest of my life. There are visual issues too. For example, someone fiddling with something or a leg bouncing.  I feel like I have more control over those. I can close my eyes, I can look another direction. It is important to be responsible for every bit of stress control and anxiety control that I can apply. I wish that sound was so easy as the visual issues. If I could close my ears my life would be so much less complicated.

It is important for me to work just as hard at dealing appropriately with my anxiety issues as my loved ones work at making my life less difficult.  I don't know, we all have problems, we all have things that negatively effect us, mine are just really really public. I can't hide them for long before I explode. I guess that the more people understand and the more I work to improve myself and how I deal with the anxiety from Miso and other aspects of life the better life will become.

My response to a non-misophonia's post on my support forum. He was venting and telling everyone to suck it up.

My Husband and I have had many conversations about His responsibility and mine when it comes to Miso.

Mine is to continue to communicate and express when noise is an issue before I explode, his is to be understanding that I might have to leave and cool off. He tries to eat quietly, but we all know that doesn't fix it. We eat with music or fans or TV on and he is getting used to that. I use earplugs only occasionally around him.

A difference in my Miso and many of my fellow sufferers is how I was taught to react and think about it as a child. Hatred was a no-no. I do not allow my overwhelmed anxious feelings to overcome my love for people. Yes sometimes I can hardly stand to be with that person at work, but when I find myself turning it into his or her problem and hating them and not the sound, I force myself to stop and remember I love that person. and my life would become miserable without friendships.
While my Miso is wild and mean and shows up worse when I feel worse, my ability is to not allow my anger, frustration, anxiety affect others. I cannot control how it makes me feel but I can control how I present those feelings to others. 

The triggers are people, they are family, they are loved ones and they don't deserve my wrath, my witty comments about barbarianism or my glares of doom and death. I teach my students with special needs the same thing I need to practice myself. Communicate with correct and non-accusatory language, (don't play the blame game) and don't get upset when they forget the next day that this was an issue. Pull yourself from the situation (take a time out) and cool off.
Honestly I think that my peace that I manage to hold on to is from God. I feel at my wits end, like the world will end and after a quiet moment and remembering what I am here on earth for I am ready to try again. 

  I know that many of you miso sufferers do not get support from your family. I believe it isn't a lost cause and that you should keep trying to find someway to help them understand. Understanding does not mean they should stop living around you it means they should try and live with you and you with them. If they cannot have permissions to vent how can we.  Our Families are dealing with Miso too.  Our loved ones have a whole lot of crap to deal with and they need our support as much as we need theirs.

 Life is rough, things suck, but if we have love, it will all work out.

A poem about Church.

Miso and Church

Arrived at church and looked around
Who will make the most aweful sound,
where to sit and still be me
Where to sit and still feel free
Free to worship the God I love
Free to learn and gain insight from above

Every week I struggle to find
that place, that place to sit and unwind
One week its gum,
another candy,
another a whisper
and maybe a scratcher
Babies are fine their noises don't bother
But I don't want to sit next to a cougher

This week success, a peaceful service
Hopefully the seat isn't taken next week
Hopefully the peace hasn't reached a peak.
Still I will go because I am the boss,
my Miso can't control me my life's not a loss
I will continue to go and to do
sometimes it will be peacefull and sometimes not
This is a battle that will always be fought.

Life isn't simple

Things that are easy and require little thought for most people are much more difficult when you have misophonia. For example, when I sit in a restaurant or the dining hall at work I have to think about where I am sitting, who might sit behind me, beside me in front of me. When it is noisy I am better at dealing with things. If I have a choice I sit by a wall because they don't chew.  Movie theaters are risky but usually the movie is loud enough that I don't have to worry about panicking.

The main problem is that my brain over-reacts to such small normally trivial sounds. These sounds are everywhere, grocery stores, church, meetings at work, home, they will never go away and I refuse to stop enjoying myself when I am out so I have developed several coping mechanisms and come up with escape plans in case I cannot handle a noise.

I know that if you don't have misophonia this will only barely explain some random/weird behavior I might occasionally (or frequently) show. If you do have Misophonia or have a child with it then I hope this will give you a few ideas for how to cope. My current goal is to get through each trigger noise without offending anyone.

Scenario: Person is eating in a meeting
Solution: come up with a reasonable excuse to stand in the back of the room, I like to go blow my nose or cough several times out in the hall and then sneak in and stand by the door so that the noise is in front of me. This is not only acceptable because it is considered rude to blow your nose/cough a bunch but also because one appears polite in waiting to sit until one won't be interrupting the meeting (or class)

Scenario: Person is chewing gum in behind you while you are in line (anywhere)
Solution: let them in front of you or pretend you forgot something and go get it and hop in a different line

Scenario: Invited to dinner at a friends house, it is quiet.
Solution: bring music to share with your friends and ask for it to be played or ask for music most people don't mind music.

Scenario: There is a soft noise that is triggering fight or flight, you cannot leave and it cannot be stopped (maybe the way a person is speaking)
Solution: make a noise yourself, tap your teeth together, breathe a little heavier (not creepy heavy though) or if you are sitting, lean on your hand and cover one ear, half the sound is often helpful in dealing with sounds.

As always, I avoid sounds, not people. When all else fails, try to politely excuse yourself and leave, lashing out or staying until a panic attack/ or an angered frenzied feeling occurs isn't the answer.

Music is my friend

Music saves the day. It makes all of the little sounds that send me into a panic mode dissolve into a good sound. Putting on music is almost like taking away the problem. Soothing peace washes over me and I can deal with life again. I love Pandora. because I can play it and it will play all day and I can have a nice background noise to my daily tasks.
Loud enough white noise helps too.  I cannot sleep without a fan because of the noises. These noises don't annoy or make me angry, but I cannot help but listen to and think about them. The box fan by my bed is like a sleep aid. Hiding those sounds with its' constant noise.

I am thankful for music and its healing abilities by day, I am thankful for fans and their masking of sounds of the night.

overwhelmed and misunderstood

Often during my childhood I felt overwhelmed and misunderstood. I didn't understand why noises could change my mood from happy to angry. Panic was frequently a precursor to lashing out or throwing a full 8 year old temper tantrum that was mostly brought on by some noise. I didn't know this was the case, I just knew I was overwhelmed and it was sudden and if I didn't escape it somehow I might explode. or that is how it felt during most of my older childhood.

My parents had no way of knowing that something was wrong, that I was struggling, because I had no way of telling them. I learned various self coping mechanisms and started to slowly control some aspects of misophonia. Sometimes it was worse and sometimes I improved, but I never had an understanding of what was going on.

My parents were helpful in many ways through these trying times.
They didn't let me be disrespectful or rude.
They didn't let me use excuses for my behavior (even if there were a legitimate reason I still chose to react in that way)
They showed grace, they let me blow up and stamp off and calm myself down.
They taught me to curb my temper (not a fast process)
They forgave.

My parents didn't have a name or reason that their child was acting so strangely. But they worked through it and helped be to become the person I am. To the parents of children that are diagnosed with misophonia, yes, they have a disorder, and yes you will need to be creative in how you deal with each issue that may arise. But don't stop training them to be contributing and functioning members of society. They need that too. They need to know that no matter the reasoning, being disrespectful is not okay, that misophonia is no excuse to be rude. I am thankful that my parents showed me how to funnel my negative feelings into other directions, because people are important to me, I need them and if I had continued thinking about them and treating them as the problem I would have struggled even more.

Sound and Marriage.

My seemingly unreasonable reactions to sounds didn't deter my wonderful Hubby from marrying me. For this I am grateful. It isn't easy for me to deal with sounds, and it isn't easy for a person to live with a misophonic spouse. He is considerate about what and when he eats near me and goes out of his way to utilize background sounds to help me cope (plays music during meals, lets me use a fan every night all night to hide the night sounds). It is nice to know he cares and to know that I don't have to worry about being anxious when I just want to enjoy dinner with my man.